Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
