my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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