Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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