Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
