Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
