If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
