You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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