I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
