Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
