Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
