you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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