I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
