I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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