Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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