I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
