He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
