that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
