So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
