also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
