bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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