You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you will always have a special place in my vag
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
