I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
