Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
