Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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