VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
