Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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