I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Shame is for Republicans.
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