my being single is dangerous.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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