it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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