I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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