"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
