I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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