last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
