Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
