i may or may not be watching the land before time
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
