Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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