Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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