my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
