I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
false alarm. still invincible.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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