Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
