Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
