Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
