Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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