Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
