Betty ford says i'm here all night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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