five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
