HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
