I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we're so committed to being not committed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
