Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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