I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
