Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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