Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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