I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How naked do you want me to be?
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