you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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