i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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